


Not to Be

by pamz



Series: After Zorro [2]
Category: Zorro (TV 1990)
Genre: Adoption, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childbirth, Discussion of former abusive relationship, F/M, Gratuitous Felipe Angst, Infertility, Major Illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-02
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-12 14:52:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7938748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pamz/pseuds/pamz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The ups and downs of Mendoza's life after Zorro is unmasked.  2nd of my stories set "After Zorro".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter of this story contains background information on my original characters, Leonora and Ana Maria Ortega, who have appeared in all my Zorro fanfiction stories. . .so far. I have never explained their history in much detail before and am doing so as much for my enlightenment as for my readers'.
> 
> The beginning of this story also overlaps my story "Sueños Rotos" a little, so if you haven't read it, you should so this one makes more sense.
> 
> Disclaimer: This story is an amateur, not-for-profit publication produced solely for the enjoyment of other Zorro fans and is not intended to infringe upon any rights by Goodman/Rosen Productions, New World Television, Zorro Productions, the estate of Johnston McCulley or anyone else.

**JUNE 1826**

_Capitan Jaime Mendoza._

He liked the sound of it. It had taken nearly a year but the order for his promotion had finally arrived. Raising the rank of his sergeant was one of the first official acts Don Alejandro de la Vega had undertaken after he had been elected the new alcalde of Los Angeles.

Mendoza donned the uniform that bore the insignia of his new commission. Proudly, he looked at himself in the mirror. The ten pounds he had lost recently were noticeable by their absence.

Life had been much kinder to the once stout sergeant now that Spain no longer governed the territory of Alta California. Don Alejandro, in an effort to separate the military from the government, had made Mendoza the commandante of the garrison. The elder de la Vega was a kind and fair administrator, who at times though, was frustrated by Mendoza's simple kind-heartedness, was also very understanding. He did not browbeat or insult the well-meaning sergeant as the last two alcaldes had done.

And he was getting married. Sometimes he even found it hard to believe. Leonora Ortega, the pueblo's seamstress, had said yes when he had proposed to her this past New Year's Eve. They were to be wed in September, just three months away, on his fortieth birthday.

Only two things marred the soldier's present happiness, the loss of Ana Maria and Felipe's baby a month earlier and Leonora's refusal to talk about her first marriage. Mendoza had to admit he had been looking forward to the arrival of Leonora's grandchild probably even more than his novia had been. 

Even before he had proposed, he considered Ana Maria his daughter and thought of Felipe as a surrogate son. He knew the young couple must be devastated by the sudden loss of their baby.

Not much had been heard from Ana Maria and Felipe since the miscarriage. Mendoza figured they were busy with their life in Santa Paula, where Felipe was apprenticing to become a lawyer. It would be six months yet before they returned to Los Angeles.

The new capitan's thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door of his quarters. "Mendoza," called out Don Alejandro. "Are you ready, Capitan?" He asked the question with a smile in his voice.

" _Si, mi Alcalde_ ," was the reply. Mendoza gave himself one more appraising glance in the mirror before picking up his hat and gloves on his way out of his room.

Don Alejandro shook his head. No matter how many times he commented on it, he could not break the soldier's habit of addressing him so formally. For the past fifteen years, ever since Mendoza had been stationed in Los Angeles, he had always called the elder de la Vega Don Alejandro. But after he had been elected alcalde, the sergeant would not address him any other way.

It irritated him to no end. Oh well, sighed Don Alejandro. It really was the least of his problems.

The chaos he had inherited from de Soto had been mind boggling. One look at the tax rolls told him his predecessor had been skimming money from the tax collections. No doubt put aside so the former alcalde could live the good life upon his return to Madrid. No wonder de Soto had been in such a hurry to leave Los Angeles, Don Alejandro had mused at the time.

One of the first things the elder de la Vega did as alcalde was to rescind all the unnecessary levies. The bed taxes, livestock taxes, crop taxes and other unfair taxes that had burdened the people for so long. Don Alejandro discovered the pueblo's tax revenues had far exceeded what the Spanish government had actually requested. The new Mexican government's demands were even less. For now anyway, thought the old don cynically.

Mendoza and Don Alejandro made their way out to the plaza where the promotion ceremony was going to be held. There was also to be a fiesta later that evening in honor of the new officers. Corporal Sepulveda was now a sergeant and two privates had been made corporals.

The ceremony went off without a hitch, except for Mendoza nervously dropping his sword as he was saluting his men.

"Dismissed," the new capitan called out, ending the short ritual. Leonora Ortega immediately came over to him, followed by Diego and Victoria. 

"I'm so proud of you, Jaime," Leonora stated as she placed her hand on his arm. The de la Vegas also congratulated him. 

Mendoza smiled broadly at his _novia's_ declaration. He only wished she would have hugged him or kissed him on the cheek as Victoria had done. Leonora didn't even appear perturbed by the former innkeeper's small show of affection. It worried him a little that she did not display her emotions in public.

Or in private, for that matter, a little voice in his mind taunted him. Mendoza just ignored it. After they were married, things between them would be different, he promised himself. 

The newly promoted capitan gallantly offered his fiancée his arm and escorted her to the tavern for a celebratory lunch.

Z Z Z

Capitan Mendoza was coming out of the tavern with several of his men about a month later He stopped in his tracks as he spied Diego de la Vega emerge from the dressmaking shop owned by his _novia_. Whatever the tall caballero had told Leonora must have been bad, for the seamstress was in tears.

_Madre de Dios!_ The concerned soldier scurried across the plaza as fast as he could. He arrived at the shop as Diego was saying goodbye.

"I'll let you know if we hear anything more," Diego advised the weeping woman. "Don't worry, Señora, we'll find her."

"Find who?" Mendoza demanded to know. "What is going on?"

Leonora had not realized her _novio_ was there until he had spoken. She collapsed into his arms, crying even harder. Diego was left with the task of explaining the cause of her tears to the bewildered capitan.

"Ana Maria has disappeared," Diego stated unhappily. "Felipe and I spent several days searching for her, but. . ." He shrugged his broad shoulders. "I'm sorry, Serg. . . I mean Capitan."

" _Dios mio_ ," replied Jaime in a stunned tone. "This is just terrible news." He patted Leonora on the back. She continued to sob on his chest, soaking the front of his uniform.

Diego mounted his horse and headed out of the pueblo. Mendoza steered the near hysterical seamstress back inside her shop. He turned the sign in the window from ‘Open' to ‘Closed'. Leading her to the living quarters in the back of the building, he made her sit on the settee. Then Mendoza went into the tiny kitchen and made them both a cup of hot sweet tea.

Tears were still streaming down Leonora's face as she tried to compose herself. Jaime handed her the cup of hot beverage.

" _Gracias_ , Jaime," she said automatically. She took a small sip before deliberately placing the cup and its saucer on the side table. She stared up at him with such sad eyes. "My _hija_ is dead," she whispered.

"No, Leonora, we don't know that," he admonished. "Don't even think it." He had to admit to himself the same thought had crossed his mind. But it couldn't be true. It just couldn't be.

"Why else would she vanish?" asked Leonora a little fiercely. "She would never willingly leave Felipe. She's been in love with him ever since we moved to Los Angeles." She shook her head wearily. "No, something horrible must have happened to her."

"We can't think like that." Jaime tried to comfort her by putting his arms around her. He drew her close as other thoughts popped into his head. Ones that were totally inappropriate. Berating himself mentally, he tried to drive them from of his brain.

Leonora wept silently as Mendoza held her. She didn't want to believe her _hija_ was dead. Ana Maria had been the only good thing to come out of her first marriage. Recalling the advice her daughter had given her several months ago, she withdrew from her fiancé's arms and wiped the dampness from her face. 

"Jaime," she began in a shaky voice. "I want to tell you about Ana Maria's father."

"You don't have to," Mendoza replied, although he was very eager to hear about the other man. He was just sad her daughter's mysterious disappearance finally caused her to open up to him.

"No, I need to," stated Leonora. "You should know. A marriage built on secrets and lies is only doomed to failure." She took a deep breath before starting her story. "You know that my husband was killed nearly fifteen years ago, during the August revolution. He abandoned us to join the rebel army..."

She had not even known that Jose had any political leanings at the time. He had been farmhand, working for her father, Gaspar Vasquez. They had lived in a small cottage on the outskirts of Guadalajara City. Leonora had taken in mending and other sewing to help make ends meet. 

Her mother had been a seamstress as had her grandmother. It was a skill that had been passed down from mother to daughter for generations in her family.

Both of Leonora's sisters were also accomplished needlewomen. Her youngest sibling, Graciela, was a popular dressmaker with the high society ladies in Guadalajara. Both sisters had married well-to-do merchants. Bitterly, Leonora knew it was her own foolishness she ended up in the dire circumstances she found herself in after Jose's death.

They had met when she was just seventeen. The oldest of the three sisters, she was also the plainest of them. Jose had seemed interested in her alone though when he had been hired as a farmhand by her father. Usually all the boys ignored her and flocked around more beautiful Antonia and Graciela. 

She had been totally ignorant of what went on between a man and a woman. So when Jose took liberties, she allowed him to do so. It had just been so flattering this handsome, strong twenty year old man had sought her out to pay attention toward. All thoughts of propriety flew right out of her head. 

Jose had been working for her father for about three months when he finally took her virginity. That woke Leonora up to the fact what they had doing was terribly wrong. It had hurt so much. And Jose was unsympathetic to her tears and protests to stop. 

She stormed out of the barn, promising herself it would never happen again. But it was too late, the damage had been done. It took her two months to realize she was with child. 

When Leonora confronted Jose, he denied the child was his. It was only when she threatened to tell her father that Jose grudgingly offered to marry her. He had been scared of what Señor Vasquez would to do him if the older man found out what he had done to his daughter. So there really wasn't any other choice.

They pretended to everyone theirs was a love match. The wedding was held three weeks later, as soon as the banns had been read. Her parents were somewhat dismayed at the idea of their daughter marrying a farmhand but also realized that it might be the best offer the plain Leonora would get. 

The marriage was a disaster from the start. Any love Leonora had felt toward Jose had died the day he had destroyed her innocence. Their union was unpleasantly consummated on their wedding night. Then after that Jose left her alone. She was already pregnant, he figured he had done his duty. Leonora knew he sought out other women but she didn't care, even when she learned he had been with other women at the same time he had been romancing her. 

Leonora made him promise though to stay away from her sisters. That humiliation would have been too much to bear. Other than that, who he slept with wasn't her concern, as long as it wasn't her.

It all had been worth it, however, when their daughter was born. Ana Maria had been such a beautiful baby with curly black hair and cute little dimples. Leonora had immediately fell in love with her little daughter. Jose though, had been totally indifferent. He saw the infant as another unwanted burden with which he had been shackled. It was not long after Ana Maria's birth he had started drinking.

Leonora just didn't cared what her husband did. She had her beautiful baby daughter and her skill with a needle. Jose still worked for her family, but the pay he received was soon wasted on alcohol. 

When Ana Maria was about two years old, Jose began to change his ways. He had come home one morning after being out all night, drinking and sleeping with one of his mistresses. Even in his hung-over condition, he realized his little daughter was afraid of him. She peeped out at him from behind her mother's skirts, her eyes full of terror as she considered him a stranger.

He had to admit she was an adorable child. And it bothered his conscience that she was essentially growing up without a father.

At first Leonora eyed his sudden change of heart with suspicion. Wondering at his motives, she kept a close watch over his interaction with his daughter. When she realized he was truly interested in being a father, she did whatever she could to encourage him. Jose stopped drinking and began staying home more in the evenings.

But the animosity that existed between husband and wife never disappeared completely. Thinking with a shudder of disgust of all the other women Jose had been with, Leonora would not let him touch her. He had not kept his end of his marriage vows, why should she? It only bothered her a little that he would wait until Ana Maria fell asleep, then sneak out to meet one of his mistresses.

Then the revolution broke out. Jose had left one night as he usually did and just never came back. Leonora had to learn from his most current girlfriend that he had joined up with Padre Hidalgo's army.

The region where Leonora and her family lived had been the heart of the final battle. They had gathered what they could of their belongings and had fled.. Traveling with her parents and sisters, Leonora and Ana Maria had made their way north, away from the fighting. 

First the Vasquez family went to Mazatlan, where Gaspar's brother, Leonora's uncle, lived. Then they moved on to Culiacán where an aunt resided. 

It was while they were there, they heard of Jose's death. After three months the rest of Leonora's family went back to Guadalajara but she stayed behind in Culiacán. Tia Federica was her mother's eldest sister so she was also a seamstress. She had been widowed for about ten years. Her five sons were all grown up and had moved away. 

She welcomed her niece and grandniece with open arms. Leonora worked at Federica's dressmaking shop and the young Ana Maria was taught to sew as soon as she could be trusted with a needle. This happy situation had lasted for nine years, until Ana Maria was twelve. Then Tia Federica had died.

Leonora's cousins had swooped down upon their mother's estate, selling her business and dividing the profits amongst themselves. She and Ana Maria had found themselves without a home once again. 

She had too much pride to return to her family. There were just too many bad memories back in Guadalajara. 

The mother and daughter continued to move northward, living a year or two each in the pueblos of Hermosillo, Nogales and San Diego. It had been in San Diego Leonora had heard about how the small pueblo Los Angeles was without a tailor or seamstress. With the thought of being able to take advantage of the situation and finally finding a home for her daughter and herself, she had moved them once more.

Leonora also about that time began to worry that Ana Maria was turning out to be a female version of her father. It seemed everywhere they went, boys and men had flocked around the budding beauty her daughter had become. The anxiety that the girl was like Jose plus Leonora's jealous memories of her sisters caused her to mistreat Ana Maria until Victoria and Diego had made her realize what she was doing.

"And you know the rest," Leonora said as she finished her tale. She was dabbing again at her wet cheeks.

Mendoza did not know what to say. He knew his _novia_ was a complicated woman but he had no idea. Hers had been a life of hardships. And now Ana Maria was missing. The soldier was only glad he had had no part in the August revolution. He had been on his way to Los Angeles when it had occurred. He shook his head, thinking how awful it would be if he had been the soldier responsible for her husband's death.

"I'm sorry, Leonora,"Jaime finally declared, patting her hand, "that you had to live through all that." He tried to smile but failed miserably "Ana Maria is all right. You'll see."

"I hope you're right," responded Leonora, sniffing away her tears, sincerely doubting his optimism. She took a deep breath and looked up at her fiancé. "I know you won't like this, but I think we should postpone the wedding until we know whether she..."

She could not go on as she dissolved into tears again. Jaime took her into his arms once more and told her he agreed with her suggestion. He just prayed fervently that Ana Maria would be found soon.

Z Z Z


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a few liberties with Mendoza's past in this chapter, writing a little background I imagine took place when he was younger.

** LATE AUGUST 1826 **

Don Alejandro stood outside on the porch of his office, waiting for the Santa Barbara stage to arrive. It was a habit he had fallen into the past two months. Ever since his granddaughter-in-law, Ana Maria, had disappeared.

He sighed wearily, shaking his head. It was futile, the old don knew deep down, but he just couldn't help himself. There had been one terse note from Felipe about six weeks ago. But since then, they had not heard anything from him.

The elder de la Vega remembered how he had felt when his Felicidad had died. Even though over twenty years had passed, the pain was still fresh. Suicide had been an option he had considered for only a split second. She wouldn't have wanted that, he had realized. And then there had been Diego. The poor boy had been heart-broken as it was, to have lost his father at the same would have totally devastated the twelve year old lad.

Don Alejandro only hoped Felipe would not contemplate taking the coward's way out. Every night he prayed that he and Diego had not failed his adopted grandson, that they had instilled in him what it meant to be an honorable man.

He was about to give up his vigil and return to the desk piled with papers that awaited him. He started to turn when the lumbering coach came into view, passing through the pueblo's gate. It shuddered to a stop in front of the tavern before Don Alejandro walked over to see what it had brought. 

A couple of passengers alit from the vehicle but several more remained seated inside. The driver tossed down pieces of luggage and the sack that contained the mail. The old don watched as the owner of the general store, who doubled as the pueblo's postmaster, opened the pouch and retrieved the post for Los Angeles. The outgoing mail was tossed into the bag, then it was handed back to the driver.

The storekeeper, Señor Chavez sorted through the envelopes. As always, a number of people were gathered around, waiting to see if there was something for them. If the postman found anything, he handed it over.

Don Alejandro stood back, his arms folded across his chest. Usually, Chavez, knowing the elder de la Vega was looking for a letter from his grandson, would glance up at him and shake his head. But today, he held up an envelope and stepped toward the old don.

"Alcalde, one for you and Don Diego," the shopkeeper announced as he handed to the surprised caballero.  
A quick peek at the handwriting told him it was from Felipe. He tore it open eagerly and swiftly scanned its contents. Then he let out of whoop of happiness.

"He found her!" Don Alejandro re-read the missive again to make sure he wasn't mistaken. He put his hand on Chavez' arm. "Wait. Is there one for Señora Ortega?"

The other man shuffled the letters again and withdrew another envelope from their midst. He gave it to the elder de la Vega.

The old don hurried across the plaza to the dressmaker's shop. "Señora!" he shouted as he entered the building. "He found her! Felipe found Ana Maria!"

Don Alejandro's proclamation was greeted by the sound of breaking glass. He rushed back to the living quarters and saw Leonora standing there. She wore a stunned expression on her face and there was a broken tea cup at her feet.

He handed her the letter. "It's wonderful news," he said, a bit uncomfortably. Even though the woman's daughter was married to his grandson and she was about to marry his good friend Mendoza, he felt very awkward around her. Señora Ortega was a hard person to know, he had thought on more than one occasion.

Leonora accepted the missive with a shaky hand. Her fingers fumbled with it and it took her several minutes to open the envelope "Sh-She's all right," murmured the seamstress. She then glanced up at Don Alejandro. "Felipe found her at a convent south of Monterey? What on earth was she doing there?"

"I don't know," the old don replied. "He didn't say." He glimpsed at the missive in her hands. It appeared to be identical to his own except for a few sentences at the bottom of hers. _‘I am so sorry, Mama. Please forgive me. I love you. - Ana Maria'_

Don Alejandro perused his missive again. "It does say they will be here the end of next month for the wedding," he commented. 

Leonora gasped. _The wedding_. There were so many things to do that she had been putting off because of Ana Maria's disappearance. She sighed as she thought of all the hard work she would have to do to get everything done on time. And the first thing she needed to do was to let the groom know the nuptials were back on.

Don Alejandro seemingly read her mind as he suggested, "I'll go find Mendoza. He's going to be over the moon at this news."

Leonora nodded. " _Gracias_ , Don Alejandro," she offered. "For everything." 

He patted her hand. " _De nada_." The old don then departed to go in search of the capitan, who no doubt was at the tavern for his mid-afternoon snack.

Z Z Z

** LATE SEPTEMBER 1826 **

The morning of the wedding was overcast, gray clouds threatening rain before the day was over. "I do hope the weather holds until after the ceremony," Ana Maria commented to Felipe as she glanced out the window of her old bedroom. "You know what they say about rain on a wedding day."

Felipe just chuckled at his wife's superstitious notion as he came up behind, circling his arms around her. He kissed her on the neck then let one hand slid down to rest on her stomach. They had just figured out she was pregnant again and for now were keeping it their secret. Not just because they didn't want to upstage her mother and Mendoza's wedding but because they both were terrified. They had confessed to each other that they were worried about getting too attached to this child because of losing the first one. 

Felipe grinned wickedly as his hand then traveled upward, finding the soft flesh of her breast. Ana Maria pulled away from him.

" _Querido_ , not now," she scolded but she was smiling as well. "I have to go help Mama get ready. Besides," she leaned toward him and whispered in his ear. "I thought you would be tired from last night."

"Never," he moaned as she nibbled on his neck. He groaned in protest when she suddenly moved away again. 

"Why don't you go see how Jaime is holding up?" suggested Ana Maria. "I'm sure he could use a helping hand today."

Felipe nodded, remembering how tipsy his future father-in-law had been the previous evening. His own experiences in intemperance had him sympathizing with Mendoza. He gave Ana Maria one more kiss before exiting the dressmaking shop and making his way across the plaza to the cuartel

_Madre de Dios_ , thought Jaime. He was getting married in just two hours. He felt slightly panicked, which was not helped by his aching head and queasy stomach. It had been a bad idea to drink as much as he had the night before. But at the time, the alcohol had relaxed him, causing him to feel he was not about to make the biggest mistake of his life. 

Leonora was a fine woman, he chastised himself for thinking otherwise. He loved her and she loved him. At least that is what he desperately wanted to believe.

Their feelings for each other were the least of his worries at the moment though. It was the thought of the wedding night that lay ahead that had him tied up in knots. It had been over fifteen years since the last time he had been with a woman. And that final experience had left him with such self-revulsion, it was not something he had wanted to repeat for a long time.

Mendoza had been stationed then in Mexico City, where he had been awaiting word of his transfer to Los Angeles. The young lancer had left his hometown ten years earlier when he had joined the army at the age of fifteen. 

The priests at the orphanage had been opposed to his enlistment into the military. Jaime had overheard a conversation between the padre and one of the local caballeros who wanted him as a vaquero on his rancho. Mendoza had run away that very night. He didn't wish to become a farmer or rancher. He wanted to be a soldier.

In the intervening ten years, he had been stationed all over the Spanish territories, not just Mexico but Guatemala, Venezuela and Panama as well. Mendoza had wanted to see some of the world and he had done so. But now his assignment back to California was something he had looked forward to for several years. 

Then finally, his transfer papers came through. He was very excited to be going home. Jaime and several of his fellow lancers went out to celebrate his good fortune. The bordello they chose as the site of their revelry was one the men frequented quite often.

The wine had been freely flowing and in a short while, the soldiers were feeling no pain. There had been a new girl there that night and they were all vying for her attentions. Mendoza was as surprised as anyone that she picked him to take her upstairs.

The young lancer barely remembered what happened the rest of that night. He vaguely recalled them having relations but after that it was very fuzzy. It wasn't until much later that he realized the woman had put something into his wine. When he had awakened the next afternoon, he was lying in the filthy alleyway behind the bordello. All his money was gone, a whole month's pay. And for several days afterwards, his head had felt as though a marching band were playing inside of it. 

The unfortunate incident had made him swear off prostitutes forever. Which was just as well, since Mendoza was returning to his hometown. The dream he had of finding a nice girl, getting married and raising a family would finally become a reality. Or so he thought.

Jaime had not been back in Los Angeles for very long before he realized the eligible women in the pueblo weren't interested in a stocky, homely sergeant. Especially one whom they remembered as a poor orphan boy. He did court a few young ladies, only to see them marry handsomer and wealthier suitors.

Then Luis Ramone became the alcalde of Los Angeles. The lancers stationed at the cuartel were already eyed with suspicion; mainly for their part in the execution of the beloved Señora Escalante. After Ramone's arrival, the attitude of the pueblo's citizens had become downright hostile toward the soldiers, who were just following their commandante's orders.

Mendoza had nearly given up on every finding a wife. The pain caused by the beautiful but perfidious Amanda Herrera's acceptance, then refusal of his marriage proposal still hurt. Ramone's cousin, the domineering Hermalinda had scared him to death. He decided he was never going to find someone who would love him and accept him for who he was, a never-going-to-be-rich soldier.

Leonora Ortega had lived in the pueblo for almost six months before the sergeant really noticed her. Mendoza learned she was widow, she had her own business, and she had raised her daughter by herself. She was not a beautiful woman but she had a pleasant face. Jaime had found to his sorrow that the beautiful women were often shallow, deceitful creatures. The sergeant and the seamstress had started spending time together; dinners at the tavern, dancing at fiestas, etc.

Their courtship had been a amiable one. The only thing that bothered Jaime was Leonora's lack of physical affection. Her confession of Ana Maria's conception explained a lot but also worried him . Evidently it had been over twenty years since she had been with a man and the last experience with her husband had been an disagreeable one.

Jaime was shaking with trepidation. What if he too made Leonora unhappy? The pressure the soldier was feeling made him nearly jump out of his boots when there was a rap on his door.

"Who. . . Who is it?" he called out nervously.

"Felipe."

Mendoza immediately open the door, inviting the young man into his quarters. The two men looked at each other then looked away, both recalling the only other time Felipe had visited the older man's room. The remembered events of the previous year brought a smile to Felipe's handsome face. 

Jaime, on the other hand, was thinking about how anxious he had been. _Madre de Dios!_ He had been so worried that Alcalde de Soto would discover that he had released Felipe from his cell to rendezvous with his sweetheart. 

Ana Maria had been so insistent, she would not take no for an answer. Mendoza tried to let her know he did not approved of what would happen, but the young woman had persisted. Memories of the incident reminded him that Leonora still didn't know what had occurred that night. But hopefully it was all water under the bridge as the young couple had married six months earlier. 

Jaime looked over at Felipe with a inspired thought. Maybe the young man could give him some pointers on how to. . . to please a woman. After all, he was newly wed. Mendoza had caught glimpses of Felipe and Ana Maria kissing, embracing and generally being unable to keep their hands off of each other.

"Uh, Felipe," the nervous bridegroom began, "I was wondering if you could. . .you know, give me some . . .uh. . .advice. . ."

Felipe winced as he realized just what Mendoza wanted advice about, tips on how to make love to Ana Maria's mother. _Dios mio_ , he thought, closing his eyes, which he quickly opened again as he got a mental picture that made him shudder. Glancing at his future father-in-law, he saw the older man was desperate. Felipe decided to take pity on the poor soldier.

With a heavy sigh, the young man asked Jaime what he wished to know, praying silently that the other man at least knew the basics.

Z Z Z

The wedding ceremony went on without a hitch. The threatened rain stayed away until later that evening, much to Ana Maria's satisfaction.

It was the happiest moment of Jaime's life when he saw Leonora being escorted up the aisle by her son-in-law Felipe. She looked quite lovely to him in her pale blue dress with white flowers decorating her dark brown hair. He had become concerned for a moment as he was placing the gold ring on her finger when he noticed tears in her eyes. But then she smiled and he knew they were tears of joy.

The rest of the afternoon passed by in a blur. The wedding reception was held at the tavern, with Victoria making sure all of Mendoza's favorite foods were present. But the capitan had been too unsettled though to eat much of anything. Dwelling on the evening ahead still filled him with dread. Even the advice Felipe had given him did nothing to ease it. 

Jaime was extremely grateful that the dancing gave him something else to do and think about. He could forget about his fears as he danced with Victoria, Ana Maria, and the other female guests. But his qualms had rushed to the forefront of his mind as he waltzed his bride across the dance floor.

As it grew later and later into the evening, the wedding guests began departing. Soon all that were left were the de la Vega contingent and the newlyweds. Once again, Victoria insisted her old quarters at the tavern be used as a honeymoon suite. Mendoza was eventually going to move into the dressmaking shop with Leonora, turning over his room at the garrison to Sergeant Sepulveda.

Little Alfonso was asleep in his grandfather's arms as they headed out to the carriage, followed by Victoria and Diego. Felipe and Ana Maria were the last to leave. Ana Maria kissed her mother's cheek one more time as Felipe patted Mendoza on the back.

"Remember, take it slow," he whispered to his new father-in-law. Ana Maria gave her husband a mystified look. Felipe just grinned mischievously at his wife as he led her across the plaza to the dressmaking shop.

Jaime turned to gaze at Leonora. He could see that she was a nervous as he, possibly even more so. He gallantly offered his arm. "Sh. . .Shall we?" he asked.

"Si," she replied as she placed her hand on his proffered arm. She smiled at him, a smile he could see was full of trepidation. They made their way to Victoria's old bedroom. 

Again, the former innkeeper had specially prepared the ‘honeymoon suite'. An oil lamp was turned down low. A bottle of white wine and two long stemmed glasses graced the bedside table. A dressing screen was set up in the corner opposite the bed upon which laid the couple's nightclothes.

"Oh my," murmured Leonora, bringing her hand to her mouth. She was very apprehensive about the night ahead. Victoria and Ana Maria had tried to calm her fears by giving her bits of advice. Only it had been liberally sprinkled with giggling and silliness, managing to make Leonora more uneasy. 

It had been such a long time since she had been with a man. And it had only been twice. And it had been quite unpleasant and painful.

She glanced over at her new husband. Her mood softened as she saw that he was as scared as she was. "Jaime," she said quietly, placing her hand on his. 

"Would you like a glass of wine?" he asked nervously, thinking perhaps a little alcohol might help them both relax. 

Leonora nodded. Jaime opened the bottle of wine, then filled the two glasses. He handed one to his new wife.

"To us," he toasted and they touched their glasses together. "Let's promise to never hurt each other," 

"I promise," vowed Leonora. They each took a sip of the wine.

"We have the rest of our lives together," Jaime said before taking another drink. "We can go as slowly as you want."

She set her glass down on the table. " _Gracias_ ," she said before kissing his cheek. He put his wine down then embraced her tightly.

"I do love you, Leonora."

She closed her eyes and smiled. "I love you too, Jaime."

Mendoza gazed at her, with a happy grin on his face. It was the first time she had declared her love to him. His fears were all for naught, he thought cheerfully. He kissed his bride, a kiss she shyly returned.

Z Z Z

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For all of you hoping for some hot Mendoza action, sorry, I just couldn't go there


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains gratuitous Felipe angst. I am a Felipe angst junkie and I gotta have another fix

** LATE MAY 1827 **

The sun was just beginning to set on another busy day at the de la Vega hacienda. An extremely nervous Felipe was pacing in the library, stopping every so often to rest his head against the fireplace mantel.

It was in this position he was found by Diego and Don Alejandro when they returned. Tired and hungry, they had been up since dawn, moving cattle from one pasture to another and checking on their newly planted vineyard. Both men had been looking forward to a good meal and a quiet, relaxing evening with their family.

"Felipe?" asked Diego as he glanced around the room, seeing only his adopted son. Usually Ana Maria was in the library as well, stitching together another garment for the young couple's unborn baby.

Several moments passed before the young man realized his father and grandfather had entered the room. He lifted his head to look at them, his fear clear in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" questioned Don Alejandro. "Where are Victoria and Ana Maria?"

Felipe pointed in the direction of the bedrooms.

"Is it the baby?" Diego deduced. _Madre de Dios_ , he prayed there was nothing wrong. The loss of another child; well he didn't think either Felipe or Ana Maria would be able to survive another such tragedy. 

" _Si_ ," Felipe finally choked out. "Ana w-went into. . .into l-labor before lunch. They. . . They w-won't let me in."

Diego had to suppress a chuckle, recalling being in a similar state just over a year ago. He had been a nervous wreck when his son Alfonso was born. Maria, the de la Vega housekeeper, and Doctor Hernandez had also denied him access to the birthing room. Which had been just as well, he recalled with a bit of self-deprecation, as he had been hysterical with worry.

"Is the doctor here?" queried Diego, placing a reassuring hand on Felipe's shoulder.

" _Si_ , he just g-got here," the young man replied. But before he could say anything more, there was a knock upon the hacienda's front door.

Don Alejandro hurried over to open it, revealing Leonora and Jaime Mendoza. Ana Maria's mother immediately headed in the direction of her daughter's room without saying a word. 

Capitan Mendoza joined the de la Vega men in the library. He wore a huge smile on his face, clearly excited about the arrival of the baby, whom he considered his grandchild. 

The men moved out into the courtyard so they could smoke cigars while they waited. Felipe' hands were shaking something awful as he lit his cheroot. He sat down on a bench, supporting his head with his hands. Every so often he would bring the cigar to his mouth to take a deep drag from it. It was obvious he was extremely agitated.

Diego sat down next to his son and tried to calm the young man's nerves. "Everything will be all right, Felipe," he offered cheerfully. "You'll see."

Felipe shook his head. "That's n-not. . ." he started to say but interrupted himself by putting his cigar to his mouth. "I don't know if I'm ready to be father," he blurted out. "I. . .I mean. . ."

"You should have thought of that long before now," chided Diego, "like last year when you got Ana Maria preg. . ."

Mendoza cut into Diego's scolding. "You're going to be a great father, Felipe," he declared optimistically. "I've seen you when you help out at the orphanage. The children all love you."

"T-That's different," Felipe pointed out. "I'm not responsible for them." He ran his free hand through his hair before resting it on the back of his neck. "Diego's right," he conceded with a heavy sigh. "I d-don't have much of a ch-choice now."

"Felipe," said Jaime, "you were lucky. You had two families who loved and cared for you. I don't know about your real father, but I do know you have two other great examples of fatherhood in your life." The soldier shook his head after he glanced over at Don Alejandro and Diego. "I wasn't so fortunate. I never knew my real parents. Then I was one of so many orphans, the priests never had much time to spend with us. And after I joined the army, my superior officers had other demands on them, they weren't cut out to be good father figures.

"All you need to do, _hijo_ ," Mendoza continued, "is to teach your children right from wrong, encourage them in whatever they do, but most importantly, just love them for who they are."

"I can do that," Felipe stated as he took in the capitan's wise words. He leaned back, visibly relaxing.

Jaime grinned as he looked around conspiratorially. "We haven't told anyone," he began, "because we're not sure yet. But Leonora and I might be having a baby of our own." He automatically stood a little straighter and puffed out his chest proudly.

"Congratulations!" The trio of de la Vegas shook the soldier's hand and slapped him on the back. They all knew how long Mendoza had wanted a family. And now it looked like his wish was finally going to come true.

The little celebration was short-lived however by the arrival of Victoria. She shot a worried glance at her husband before placing a hand on Felipe's shoulder. 

"Felipe," she said in a voice that instantly told the young man something was wrong, "Doctor Hernandez wants to speak with you."

Felipe's heart began to pound as he jumped back off the bench and rushed into the hacienda. The other men started to tag along behind him, but Victoria shook her head at them before following after her adopted son.

The physician was waiting outside the bedroom door. "Felipe," he began gravely, "Ana Maria and the baby are both all right for. . ."

Felipe didn't wait to hear anymore. He burst through the door, hurrying to his wife's bedside. Glancing around, a very confused expression came over his face.

"I thought you said. . .the baby. . ." Felipe began, looking back accusingly at the doctor.

Hernandez and Victoria entered the room, where it was obvious that Ana Maria was still in labor. "I'm sorry, Felipe," The doctor apologized. "I should have said the baby hasn't arrived yet." The older man shook his head. "No, the baby is breech, coming out feet first."

Felipe knelt beside the bed and grasped Ana's hand. Then he leaned over and kissed her forehead. She smiled weakly at him.

"I'm all right," she tried to reassure him.

The physician placed his hand on Felipe's shoulder. "I need to speak to you alone, Felipe," he stated. "I need you to make a decision."

The young man glanced up at the doctor then back at his wife. "Y-You can say wh-whatever you need to in front of Ana," he announced with more bravado than he actually felt. "Th-This is her decision too."

Ana Maria nodded just as another contraction hit her. Felipe was alarmed by the pain it caused her, even though she did not cry out. He had not realized that having a baby would be so distressing.

Doctor Hernandez sighed wearily. These modern couples, he thought, slightly shaking his head. Felipe shouldn't even be in the room in his opinion. But times were changing and he was getting old. "Very well," the doctor acquiesced. "We have three options. One, we can deliver the baby just the way it is, in the breech position. But I doubt that will happen anytime soon." 

He turned to look at Victoria and questioned, "Ana Maria has been in labor, how long?" 

"Eight hours," she determined after she quickly glimpsed at the clock on the wall.

"Eight hours," repeated the physician, "and from what I can feel, the baby hasn't descended yet into the birth canal. My guess is that the baby is stuck." He again shook his head. "And if we don't do anything, it is possible both the child and Ana Maria may not survive."

Felipe's stomach lurched and he saw the fear on Ana's face as well. "Wh-What else c-can we do?" he asked anxiously, not caring that the stress of the situation was causing his stutter to emerge once again.

"There are two other choices we can make," explained the doctor. "We can try to turn the baby. This is the best option but it is not without risks. We might not be able to get the baby go head first or else it might turned back around again after we do reverse it.

The other possibility I would only use as a last resort," Hernandez continued. "We could take the baby by Caesarean section."

"Wh-What is th-that?" Felipe inquired. He vaguely recalled Diego mentioning it a long time ago. But any more thoughts he might have had on the subject were driven from his mind as Ana Maria was wracked by another labor pain.

"I would make an incision through her abdomen, using it to remove the baby from her womb. There is a great chance of infection however. The baby would be fine, but Ana Maria might not. . ." The physician did not finish as he saw Felipe's expression of terror.

Ana Maria placed a hand on Felipe's face, garnering his attention. "Do whatever you can to save the baby, _querido_ ," she whispered urgently. He vehemently shook his head. "Promise me, Felipe," she insisted. "Save the baby."

Felipe took a deep breath, seeing she could not be reasoned with and gave her a half-hearted nod. He kissed her hand. "I love you, _querida_ ," he murmured. He then rose to his feet and motioned for the doctor to follow him as he left the room.

"Tr-Try to t-turn the b-baby," he stammered. "If it c-comes to a choice between it and. . .and Ana Maria," Felipe added, tears welling up in his eyes. "Save Ana." 

That said, he fled the room, pushing his way through the worried men who had gathered outside the bedroom, waiting to hear what was happening. Felipe ran across the hacienda, not stopping until he reached the library. With only a second's hesitation, he strode into the room, hit the hidden switch on the fireplace mantle then ducked through the opened panel.

It was there, half an hour later, that Diego found his son viciously swinging a sword at a practice dummy. The young man was about to run it through when Diego said quietly, "Felipe." 

Felipe stunned by his father's presence in the cave, dropped his saber. "Wh-What. . .?" he managed to stammer out. His heart was racing as he feared the worst.

"They have turned the baby," declared Diego quickly, hoping to put Felipe's mind at ease. "Everything is progressing normally, according to Doctor Hernandez."

Felipe's shoulders sagged with relief as he sighed loudly. " _Gracias a Dios_ ," he muttered under his breath. "I need a cigar," Felipe stated in a louder voice. He patted the pocket of his shirt a couple of times before it registered that it was empty.

Diego chuckled as he walked over to the desk, where he withdrew two cheroots from a drawer. The two men lit their cigars, Felipe inhaled deeply on his before exhaling a large plume of smoke as he tipped his head back.

His adopted father decided to change the subject, wishing to distract the young man. "When are you supposed to find out about your bar exam results?"

"Any day now, I-I guess,"replied Felipe. He dejectedly shook his head. "I doubt I passed." He had taken the test two months previously in Monterey. The whole time he had been gone, he had worried about being away from Ana Maria. Felipe was positive that his anxiety had caused him to do poorly on the examination.

Diego had to suppress another laugh. His son was such a pessimist. "I'm sure you passed with flying colors, Felipe," he commented before again steering the conversation into another direction, seeing this topic did little to calm the young man,

"Felipe, I'm sorry. . ." Diego began to apologize for his earlier remark about getting Ana Maria pregnant but was interrupted by the sound of Mendoza's voice calling out their names.

Father and son looked at each other, then sprinted out of the cave. They both ignored the stunned expression on the capitan's face as they emerged from the fireplace.

"What's wrong?" queried Diego.

Jaime patted Felipe on the shoulder. "Everything is fine. Go see for yourself."

The young man needed no more encouragement. He ran to the bedroom he and Ana shared since their return to Los Angeles five months ago. There, lying on the bed, was his exhausted, beautiful wife. And in her arms was a small bundle.

Felipe found himself speechless as a smiling Ana placed the baby into his arms. Realizing he could not speak, she easily read the question in his dark eyes.

"It's a son, _querido_ ," Ana Maria declared. "A little boy."

A small sliver of disappointment ran through Felipe. He had had his heart set on a little daughter. But a son. . . He grinned down at the infant he was holding. Si, a son would be just fine. 

He glanced over at Doctor Hernandez, who was putting away his instruments into a large black bag. "Is. . . Is. . .?" Felipe started to say, finally finding speech.

"Everything is perfect," the physician reassured him. "Ten fingers, ten toes. . ."

Felipe kissed his little son before handing him back to Ana, whom he also kissed. He smiled as he saw the tears running down her cheeks. The fear they had lived with the past year dissipated as they gazed at their healthy _niño_.

"I love you, _querida_ ," Felipe whispered huskily.

"I love you too, _querido_ ," replied Ana as he drew her into an embrace.

Z Z Z

It was a week and a half later, at little Diego Alejandro Felipe de la Vega's baptism, that Ana Maria learned of the possibility she could be having a little brother or sister. And it also was when she discovered it was not to be. She had pulled Leonora aside during the celebration that was being held at the tavern to congratulate her and found out instead the disappointing news.

"Mama, I'm so sorry," she said in a hushed tone before giving her mother a sympathetic hug. "You and Jaime must be. . ."

"Jaime doesn't know yet," cautioned Leonora. She glanced over to where her husband was laughing with some of his fellow soldiers. "I just wish he had not said anything to Felipe and the others."

"I'm sure he just got caught up in all the excitement of little Diego's birth," reasoned Ana Maria. "Don't be too upset with him, Mama." She looked at her mother's somber face. "You know how badly he wants children."

Leonora had to turn away, from the sight of both her daughter and her spouse. "I don't think I can have a baby, _hija_. It's been almost a year. . ."

"What does Doctor Hernandez say?" inquired Ana Maria. 

Her mother looked at her with a bewildered expression. "Surely you have talked to the doctor about this, Mama," stated the young woman. "Perhaps he knows of something that will help."

Leonora did not know what to say. To discuss such intimate matters with a man other than her husband. Well, she didn't think she could do such a thing. She glanced again over at Mendoza and sighed. He was going to be so heartbroken after being so excited about the possibility of a child. 

The older woman squared her shoulders. Maybe she should speak with Hernandez about this problem. When Leonora went to seek out her husband, he was holding her little grandson and making silly faces at the tiny infant. It nearly tore her heart in two.

It was much later that evening that Jaime and Leonora stood in their bedroom, embracing each other tightly. Tears of sorrow were streaming down the soldier's face.

Z Z Z


	4. Chapter 4

** DECEMBER 1827 **

Six more months passed before Leonora Mendoza finally consulted with Doctor Hernandez about her inability to conceive. There had two other false alarms during that time. But the seamstress had only informed her husband of one of them. Leonora had felt so sure she was with child, but again, it turned out to be untrue.

It had been this last disappointment that caused Leonora to make an appointment to see the doctor. 

"I am surprised to see you here, Señora Mendoza," Hernandez began after they both were seated. She was one of those people who were rarely ill, the kind of person who would put him out of business if everyone had her healthy constitution.

"Well, I am a little surprised myself," Leonora confessed, nervously twisting the handle of her reticule. "I. . .I'm not..... I'm not sure where to start. . ."

The physician waited patiently while the agitated woman worked up the nerve to speak to him. "Well," she said after a few minutes, "well, Capitan Mendoza and I have been married for over a year now."

"Yes, that's true," agreed Hernandez, having a suspicion where this conversation was heading.

"We've. . .We've been hoping for a baby," Leonora declared, her eyes downcast. "And so far. . ." She shrugged her shoulders then looked up hopefully at the doctor. "Is there something, some way that could help us?"

Doctor Hernandez gazed kindly at the anxious woman sitting before him. "Señora Mendoza, I am assuming you and your husband engage regularly in marital relations."

Leonora blushed a deep shade of red as she nodded. It had been a revelation to find out such activities could actually be enjoyable. Maybe it made a difference if you loved and respected the person you were doing them with, the seamstress thought with a slight smile.

"The only thing against your conceiving then would be age," surmised Doctor Hernandez. He paused for a moment before speaking again. "As you may know, after a woman reaches a certain age, she no longer can have children. Have your monthly cycles become irregular lately?"

Again Leonora nodded. This definitely was embarrassing. But she remember Jaime' crestfallen face. "I. . .I won't for a month or t-two," she stated hesitantly. "I would believe I was with child, but then. . ." Again she shrugged.

The doctor sighed. "I'm afraid there isn't really anything medically I can advise," he said sympathetically. "You will just have to keep trying."

Seeing her discouraged expression, he decided to make a suggestion. "There is another option to consider." 

This perked up the dejected Leonora. Noting he had her full attention, he elaborated. "You and the capitan could adopt a child. There are so many orphans in this world that could use a good home with loving parents."

"I never thought of that," she said. Leonora wondered however, how Jaime would feel about it. He had been one of those orphans, one who had never been adopted. 

She got to her feet. " _Gracias_ , Doctor," she said. "You've given me some hope."

Hernandez rose from his chair as well. " _De nada_ , Señora."

Leonora departed, leaving the physician to wearily sit back down. It seemed more and more people were needing his services as the pueblo grew. And there were so many conditions they wanted to know about which he didn't have a clue. He was getting too old for this, a thought that kept popping into his head over and over again.

Z Z Z

"Adoption?" echoed Jaime. He and Leonora were sitting in the tiny dining room in the back of the dressmaking shop, eating their supper. His wife had just revealed to him the discussion she had had with the doctor earlier that day.

"You don't think it's a good idea?" asked Leonora cautiously.

"No, no," replied her husband, then he frowned as a thought came to him. "Does this mean we can't have children of our own?"

"No, not really," she said, looking downward. "It's just not very likely we ever will." Leonora had to hold back a sob when she glanced up at Jaime's face. Staring at her plate, she continued, "I am almost forty years old. Neither of us are youngsters anymore. Having children is something we need to do now, not later."

Mendoza had to agree with her reasoning. But adoption? It was true, he could not lie to himself, he had been looking forward to having a son or daughter of his own. A piece of himself that he could love and teach everything he knew.

A glimpse of Leonora's face told him that she was upset. She no doubt felt she was letting him down, he mused. She seemed to think that adopting a child would solve their problem.

Then Jaime recalled the years he spent at the Mission orphanage. He had lived there for nearly thirteen years, from the time he was a year and a half until he ran away to join the army at age fifteen.

His parents had been peasant farmers who had died during an influenza epidemic that had swept through the territory. Somehow he had been spared and was sent to live with the priests.

An uncle in San Diego had been notified of his parents' deaths and communicated back that he would come to claim the orphaned Jaime. Year after year passed, until the young boy was eight years old, before it was clear that no one was coming to get him.

By then it was too late for him to be adopted. Most people wanted cute, cuddly babies; not homely, plump boys who had a difficult time in school. Jaime wasn't stupid, just a little slower that most children his age. But it was enough to scare off potential parents.

It did not help the situation that the lad loved to daydream. When he was younger, his thoughts would stray to the happy home he would share with his uncle. He imagined living in a grand house, a kindly woman who was his aunt and cousins who would accept him as their brother.

As it became apparent his errant relative was never going to show up, Mendoza's fantasies turned to other fanciful notions. For a time, he wanted to join the circus. One had came to Los Angeles when he was ten; as a special treat all the Mission orphans had been allowed to attend.

It had been two years later, when he received a toy soldier for Christmas, Jaime changed his dream. To be a lancer in His Majesty's royal army was all he could think about day and night.

Maybe adopting a child would be a good thing, Mendoza thought. If he could spare one boy or girl the sterile, lonely upbringing he had endured, it might make not having a child of his own more bearable.

Jaime smiled at Leonora. "I think it's a grand idea. We can get Felipe to help us with all the legalities."

Felipe, despite his pessimistic predictions, had passed his bar examination with high marks and now was full-fledged lawyer. He was slowly gaining clients; people whose desire to consult with an attorney in Los Angeles rather than Santa Paula or Santa Barbara outweighed their qualms about Felipe's youth and relative inexperience.

"We'll go to the orphanage tomorrow," declared Mendoza. He rose from his chair as did his wife and they embraced.

Z Z Z

They decided to tell no one of their plans until they had selected a child to adopt. It wasn't until the afternoon of the next day before they could visit the orphanage.

Leonora still had a hard time believing that the building that now housed about fifty boys and girls had once belonged to her husband. It wasn't, however, difficult to understand why he had given it up. Jaime was almost too soft-hearted for his own good, she mused.

Mendoza had been volunteering at the orphanage for nearly ten years. At least once a week, he would be there, telling stories, giving piggyback rides, engaging in mock sword fights and generally trying to bring a little cheer to the children's lives. It saddened him that some of the same children were still residing there. Boys and girls he remembered as babies and toddlers were now adolescents that had virtually no chance of ever being adopted. 

Since her marriage to the capitan, Leonora accompanied him on his weekly visits. She donated lengths of fabrics which she and some of the older girls, whom she was teaching to sew, turned into clothing for the orphans. There was one girl who was fourteen, nearing the end of her stay at the orphanage Leonora was thinking of taking on as an apprentice. Now that Ana Maria was married with an infant son, she did not have as much time as before to help her mother. Leonora had to work twice as hard to keep up with her orders.

The couple went about their usual activities but with a different view than before. They both decided it was not going to be a simple task to chose just one child, they all were deserving of a good home. Jaime especially was having a agonizing time of it. He would have liked to have adopted them all.

Leonora, on the other hand, was approaching this situation with a much more practical attitude. Even though the little girls' sweet smiles tugged at her heart strings, reminding her of Ana Maria when she was a baby; she resolved not to get too sentimental. She knew without asking that her husband would prefer a son, which was fine with her. She had already raised a daughter. What she wasn't sure of though, would he want an infant or perhaps an older boy?

She sighed as she recalled how much work a baby could be. The birth of her grandson Diego brought back the memories of changing diapers, sleepless nights, and fussy crying jags that lasted an hour or more. Leonora wasn't sure if she wanted to go through all that again at her age.

It was different with her grandchild. She could hand him over to Ana Maria or Felipe then go home. To be the one responsible every day and night. . . Well, she just didn't know. 

Neither of them made any decisions that day. Or indeed as the days turned into weeks, which turned into months. It was just too heartbreaking to pick only one child, leaving all the others behind. Leonora did however, take on Juanita, the budding seamstress, as her apprentice. 

It wasn't until five months after their agreement to adopt a child that the decision was virtually made for them. Jaime and Leonora had arrived at the orphanage for another of their weekly visits one May afternoon. They started to engage in their usual activities when Padre Benitez also appeared. With him were two small boys, one about four years old and the other one about two. 

" _Hola_ , Padre," greeted Jaime, who was giving a boy of about three a ride on his back. "Who are these little fellows?"

"This is Ricardo," the priest indicated the older lad, "and this is his brother Roberto. They are coming here to live." He put a hand on each child's head. "You can go play now, _muchachos_."

Ricardo took his younger sibling's hand and they made their way over to a tree. They stood under its branches and watch the games of the other children. The padre shook his head sorrowfully.

"Poor little _chicos_ ," he said. He looked at Mendoza. "They just lost their mother."

"Where is their father?" asked the curious Jaime. 

"He is dead too," explained Padre Benitez. "Not long after Roberto was born . Their mother had a hard time of it and now she is gone as well." 

Jaime's heart bled for the little boys. He really couldn't remember losing his parents but he imagined he must have felt as bad as the two newcomers looked like they were feeling. All at once, he knew what he had to do.

"Padre," Mendoza began, "those lads. They don't have any living relatives? No where else they can go?"

"No," replied the priest. "Not that we know of. Their parents couldn't read or write, there were no letters or a bible or anything to let us know if there were any other family. All we do know is that there aren't any relatives here in Los Angeles."

"So someone would be able to adopt them?" inquired Jaime.

Padre Benitez smiled as he guessed the capitan's intentions. " _Si_ , someone could adopt them," he stated. "Do you know if anyone would be interested?"

"I might," hedged Mendoza. He grinned at the priest. "Excuse me, Padre. I need to speak with my wife."

"Certainly, my son."

The soldier quickly made his way over to where Leonora was sitting, encircled by young girls stitching dresses and shirts. He nearly forgot about the child on his back until the boy laughed happily because of Mendoza's fast pace. Jaime let the youngster slide to the ground before he interrupted his wife's sewing lesson.

Leonora listened intently as her husband explained the young boys' predicament. "It would be perfect," he declared excitedly. "Since they haven't really lived here yet, it won't seem like we favored them over all the others." He was having a hard time containing his eagerness. "What do you think?"

Leonora wasn't sure what to think. Two little boys? It was very sad that the poor lambs had just lost their mother. She also imagined it would take some time for the lads to adjust to a new situation, especially living with complete strangers who would take the place of their real parents.

Then she glanced at Jaime's face and all her doubts flew away. She could not deny him this opportunity. He was right, it was an ideal solution to their problem of choosing just one child from the many orphans. And how hard could it be to take care of two small boys? It would be horrible to split up the young brothers. They just had to take the both of them.

"You're right, Jaime," she finally said. "Let's go talk to the padre."

Mendoza's grin was so big his face was barely able to contain it as the couple went in search of Padre Benitez.

Z Z Z

"I wan' Mama," whined little Roberto, who then stuck his thumb into his mouth.

"Me too," said his older brother Ricardo. Where was Mama, he thought forlornly. Why had that man in the dress brought them to this place? He watched from under the tree as the other children played. Was this school? Mama had told him that he would be going to school soon.

Ricardo glanced up and saw the man in the dress walking toward them. There was a man dressed as a soldier and a woman with him. They were all smiling. Hope sprang into the little boy's heart. Maybe they were going to take him and Roberto back to their mama. 

"Roberto, Ricardo," said Padre Benitez. "These are the Mendozas. They want you both to come live with them."

Ricardo looked at the grinning couple. Why did they want him and his brother to live with them? The little boy frowned. Mama had been awful sick lately. Maybe they would stay with these people until she got better. That would be all right, he thought cheerfully.

"Come on, Roberto," he said as he placed his hand on his brother's shoulder. The younger boy just sucked his thumb harder as he stared up at the strangers. But Roberto didn't resist as the soldier picked him up and carried him to the waiting carriage.

Ricardo's hand was taken by the woman who also led him to the horse-drawn vehicle. The young lad was excited, he had never ridden in anything like this before in his short life. He vaguely remembered riding in an old donkey cart which had been driven by a man. A man Ricardo couldn't recall very well but one who had been around until after Roberto had been born. He did know his mama had been very sad ever since the man went away and never came back.

The rocking of the carriage had lulled Roberto to sleep as he sat next to Jaime. He put his arm around the little _muchacho_ to keep his head from jostling around too much. Then Mendoza glanced over at his wife and the young boy who was sitting beside her. Ricardo was looking all around, his eyes as big as saucers as he took in the passing scenery.

Leonora smiled at her husband. Jaime knew then this was the right course for them to take. No more anxious waiting, no more crushing disappointments. He grinned broadly. _I am a father now_ , he thought contentedly. Life was perfect.

Z Z Z


	5. Chapter 5

Mendoza soon learned that life was far from perfect when it included two small boys who, it seemed, were hell-bent on destroying everything around them. To say Ricardo and Roberto were having a hard time adjusting to their new situation was putting it mildly. Several of Leonora's knickknacks had been broken before she thought to put them away or out of reach of the two curious muchachos.

Jaime and Leonora's hearts would break every time they heard Ricardo mention to his little brother about their going back to live with their mother. The lad obviously didn't understand the woman was dead and they were going to be his parents from now on. 

It was obvious that the tiny living quarters tucked into the back of Leonora's dressmaking shop needed to be expanded. The boys were sleeping on cots in the married couple's room. Juanita, the apprentice Señora Mendoza had taken on three months earlier, was staying in Ana Maria's old bedroom. 

"I don't know how much longer I can take it," Mendoza commented to Felipe and Diego as the three men worked on the new addition. "I mean, it's been nearly a month since. . .you know."

"We get the picture," replied Diego wryly. He held back a chuckle as Felipe shuddered, apparently actually seeing that mental image. "We should be finished by next week. Hang in there, Capitan."

" _Gracias_ ," said Jaime. He looked over at Felipe. "I am so grateful that you are taking time away from building your new casa to help us." 

Don Alejandro had given Felipe and Ana Maria five hundred acres of de la Vega land that bordered the pueblo. The young couple were constructing a house; nothing in comparison to the hacienda though, of course and the facilities to start a horse farm. Felipe was also going to have his law office there.

The younger de la Vega just shrugged his shoulders. " _De nada_. We're not so crowded at the hacienda. At least not yet anyway." Felipe shot a look of amusement at his adopted father, a big grin on his handsome face. "Although I think Diego and Victoria are trying to fill it up to capacity."

Mendoza glanced from Felipe to Diego with confusion in his eyes. Diego did laugh aloud this time. "What Felipe is so cryptically alluding to is the fact that Victoria is expecting another baby."

"Congratulations!" cried Jaime enthusiastically. "That is truly wonderful news." He patted Diego on the back then looked over at where their wives sat in the shade. Ricardo and Roberto were playing with the now two year old Alfonso and the year old Diego under the women's watchful eyes.

Mendoza smiled benevolently at this scene of domestic bliss. Leonora and Ana Maria were busy stitching garments while teaching Victoria the finer aspects of needlework. The boys were playing with sticks and rocks they found on the ground.

Suddenly the tranquility was broken by a loud wail. Little Diego, who was just learning to toddle about and therefore quite unsteady yet on his feet, had been knocked down by Ricardo. Ana Maria immediately jumped up and went over to comfort her son. Leonora also rose from her seat and walked up to where Ricardo stood.

"Say you're sorry," the seamstress instructed the little boy. He just glared up at her defiantly. "Ricardo," said Leonora with a touch of exasperation in her voice. The boy's lack of manners were appalling. "It's not polite to not apologize when you bump into someone, even if it is an accident."

"I don't care!" shouted the youngster. "You're not my mama!" Leonora gasped as he then turned and pointed at Jaime, who along with the de la Vega men had paused their labors to watch the exchange. "And he's not my papa. I don't have to listen to you!"

Ricardo took off running across the plaza. Leonora started to go after him, but was halted by a shake of her husband's head. "I'll go get him," Mendoza stated, putting down his saw and trotting behind the angry young boy.

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Jaime found the little lad down by the river, throwing stones into the muddy water. He wished he could say he knew exactly what Ricardo was going through, but that would be a lie. He hadn't been old enough when his parents died to remember them the way his foster son recalled his, especially his mother.

Sitting down on a fallen tree, Mendoza observed the boy tossing rock after rock into the stream. He used this opportunity to think of what he could say that would make everything all right. 

Finally, whether it was because his arm was tired or he ran out of stones, Jaime wasn't sure, Ricardo stood there for several minutes, just staring at the flowing river. He must have felt the sensation of being watched, for he suddenly pivoted around and glared angrily at the man behind him.

"Go away!" yelled Ricardo. "Leave me alone!" He started to run up the trail that led to the pueblo. But this route took him right by Mendoza, who stood up and grabbed the youngster's arm.

"Ricardo," the soldier began, "I know this isn't easy for you." Jaime squatted down so he could look the lad in the eyes. "Your mama is dead, _hijo_. She is never coming back. You need to realize that."

"She is not!" the boy cried as he struggled in Mendoza's grasp. "She is too coming back to get us. You're stupid! Let go!"

"No," said Jaime firmly. "I am going to be your papa and Señora Mendoza is going to be your mama." He sighed wearily. "You need to get used to that idea, Ricardo. We are adopting you and Roberto, you are going to be our sons. We love you and we want to take care of you both."

"I don't need you," declared Ricardo. "I can take care of Roberto myself. I hate you!"

Mendoza was so stunned by this outburst, he released his grip of the little boy's arm. Ricardo fled, running up the embankment as though a pack of jackals were at his heels. Jaime just watched as the lad disappeared over the horizon. Taking a deep breath, the soldier started up the trail, wondering what he could do or say to win the youngster's acceptance.

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Several weeks had passed after Ricardo's tantrum, in which he did everything he could to disrupt the Mendoza household. At first, he enlisted his brother's unwitting help in his campaign to be returned to his mother. But Roberto was soon swayed by Leonora's motherly care. The younger boy easily transferred his affection for his deceased mama to the new woman in his life. It had brought tears to Leonora's eyes the day Roberto had first called her ‘ _Madre_ '.

Ricardo, however, went on a rampage after his sibling's defection. He would refuse to eat, sometimes throwing his food on the floor. He never did anything that was asked of him and would usually do the opposite. Here and there around the shop and living quarters, they would discover items Ricardo had destroyed then hidden away. Reverting to baby-like actions, like wetting himself, was the almost the final straw for Jaime and Leonora.

They were lying in their bed late one night, discussing Ricardo's obnoxious behavior. Thankfully, the new addition had been completed and the two boys now had their own bedroom.

"You will never believe what he did today," stated Leonora disgustedly.

Jaime put his hand on his forehead in an attempt to quell the throbbing ache there. He could well imagine any number of things. "What?"

"He took a pair of scissors to a bolt of silk," his wife replied. "Totally ruined every inch of it. I was supposed to make a wedding dress from it. Now I have to buy more."

"I'm sorry," offered Mendoza, not knowing what else to say.

"I just don't know what to do with him," bewailed Leonora. "Punishing him doesn't seem to help at all. The more I spank him, the worse he acts. And if I try to reason with him, he just sticks his tongue out at me and runs off. I wish. . ."

She clamped her lips shut before she finished her thought. But Jaime knew what she had been going to say. He had pondered doing the same thing as well. Keeping Roberto but sending Ricardo back to the orphanage.

It was such a vile idea that neither of them wanted to voice it aloud. To split up the brothers was such an unspeakable thing to do. But they had tried everything they could think of to deal with Ricardo's behavior. And they had run out of ideas.

Jaime reached over and drew his wife into his arms with the hope of his comforting her leading to something else.

"Mama!" The high pitched scream pierced the quiet of the night. The couple looked at each other in amazement as it had been Ricardo's voice that had called out.

Leonora sprang from the bed, grabbed her robe and headed to the boys' room. Ricardo was thrashing wildly and whimpering for his mother. Roberto was sitting up beside him, his eyes wide and his thumb in his mouth.

Jaime had just entered the room as Leonora placed her hand on Ricardo's forehead. "He's burning with fever," she announced. "He must be delirious."

"I'll go fetch the doctor," volunteered her husband. He threw a glance at the sick youngster. The boy was deathly pale and moaning as though he was in great pain. Jaime cursed himself for thinking so badly of his foster son just a few short minutes earlier.

It was nearly an hour later before Mendoza arrived back with the doctor who had been out attending another ill child. The physician opened his black bag then spent several minutes examining Ricardo.

"Is it the same thing the little girl has?" questioned Jaime worriedly. The doctor had not said what was wrong with her, just stating that she was very ill.

"I'm not sure," was Hernandez' reply. He placed his hand on Ricardo's head again. "He has a fever like she does, but not the rash she does." He shook his head warily. "You will have to keep a close eye on him the next few days. Let me know immediately if he develops any spots or rash.

"We will, Doctor," said Leonora solemnly. " _Gracias_."

"And watch this little fellow as well," advised the physician, indicating the sleepy-eyed Roberto.

Jaime put his hand on the doctor's arm to prevent him from leaving. "Just what do you think Ricardo might have?" he demanded to know.

Doctor Hernandez again sighed tiredly. "I believe it could be the measles, Capitan Mendoza. But I'm not entirely sure. Keep the room dark just in case. _Buenos noches_."

This time his departure was unimpeded. Leonora looked at her husband with fear in her eyes. She was thinking of her small grandson Diego and also of young Alfonso. And oh no, Victoria might have been exposed as well. It definitely would not be good for her upcoming baby if she came down with the measles.

Leonora then glanced down at her foster son. Poor little _chico_ , she thought. For so many terrible things to happen to him in his short lifetime. Determinedly, she vowed he would not be affected by his illness. When she was a young girl, Leonora had a cousin who had become blind after contracting the measles. Nothing like that was going to happen to Ricardo, she promised herself.

"We'll take good care of him," stated Jaime, seemingly reading her mind as he patted her shoulder. "Don't worry." But one glimpse of his face told her he was as apprehensive as she was.

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As it turned out, Ricardo did have the measles, along with about a dozen other children in and around the pueblo. Mercifully, Victoria and Alfonso were spared but not so Felipe and Ana Maria's little Diego. The toddler was barely afflicted however, up and walking around in no time at all. And somewhat miraculously, Roberto did not get the measles.

Leonora had her hands full with just Ricardo though. His fever lasted for nearly a week and his rash was dry and itchy. It was hard to get him to drink anything and they had to tie socks over his hands so he could not scratch himself.

One horrible night, the Mendozas were sure they were going to lose their foster son. The constant sponge baths did little to cool Ricardo's temperature which had spiked even higher. His breathing had grown shallow and he moaned as if in terrible pain. Leonora and Jaime took turns keeping watch over him but it did not stop them from becoming exhausted. Leonora ended up falling asleep on the sitting room settee as she sipped a cup of tea while Jaime had drifted off in the chair next to Ricardo's bed.

Both of them woke with a start the next morning when a rooster crowed just outside the shop. " _Dios mio_ ," murmured Jaime as he quickly crossed himself upon seeing Ricardo lying so still under the thin sheet. Leonora gasped as she entered the room.

"Is he. . .?" She could not bear to finish asking her question. Her husband reached over, intending to grasp the boy's wrist to search for a pulse, when Ricardo opened his eyes.

Relief shot through both of the anxious adults. Leonora rushed over to the bed and placed her hand on the youngster's forehead. "His fever is gone."

Ricardo turned his head from side to side as he looked at his foster parents. "I didn't die," he declared through parched lips.

Jaime patted the lad's shoulder. "Of course you didn't, Ricardo. We took very good care of you."

The boy shook his head. "That's not why," he contradicted. "My mama told me I couldn't die."

This statement stunned the couple. Jaime and Leonora stared at each other in amazement. What on earth did the _muchacho_ mean?

"I really wanted to stay with her up in heaven," continued Ricardo, unaware of the consternation he was causing. "But she told me I had to stay here and help you take care of Roberto."

"He must have been delirious from his fever," Mendoza explained to the trio of de la Vega men a week later. They were all sitting at a table at the tavern, drinking glasses of wine. All except Diego of course, who was sipping lemonade instead.

"That must have been it," commented Don Alejandro sagely.

Felipe nodded his agreement. But Diego said nothing as he recalled the time he had been visited by a guardian angel several years earlier. An angel who had shown him what life in Los Angeles would have been like if there had been no Zorro. He never could quite convince himself that it all had been a delusion caused by the terrible cold he had had at the time.

Diego had not mentioned the incident to anyone, not to Felipe at the time nor to Victoria after they were married. He had no trouble believing that Ricardo could have communicated with his dead mother during his illness. Stranger things had been known to happen.

Don Alejandro shot his son a curious glance before speaking. "Well, tomorrow is a big day," he stated, then drained his glass of wine. "We best be heading home."

The next day was indeed an important day. Ricardo and Roberto realized something was different when Leonora made them take a bath on Friday night instead of Saturday. Then the next morning, she gave them new clothes to wear.

The boys were even more confused when they led to the church. "What's going on?" Roberto asked his brother before popping his thumb into his mouth.

"I don't know," Ricardo replied. He had no idea of what was going to occur as the Mendozas walked up to the front of the church instead of taking their regular pew.

After everyone had arrived and were seated, Padre Benitez claimed their attention. "My children, we are gathered here today to announce the adoption of little Ricardo and Roberto here by Capitan and Señora Mendoza. And since we don't know if they have been baptized already, we will perform that ritual today."

The boys stared at each other. Adopted? Baptized? What was going on? They soon found out as they were brought in front of the priest. Felipe and Ana Maria stood as Ricardo's godparents while Sergeant Sepulveda and his wife were Roberto's sponsors. The younger boy giggled as the padre sprinkled the cool holy water onto his forehead. Ricardo however, kept a solemn expression on his face throughout the whole ceremony.

After it was completed, everyone made their way from the church to the tavern, where a feast had been prepared to celebrate the occasion. It was on the way there that Ricardo tugged on Mendoza's uniform jacket.

"Does this mean that you're my father now?" he asked seriously, "and I can't do anything about it?"

Jaime was taken aback by the question at first. " _Si_ ," he answered simply when he regained his senses.

"All right then," declared Ricardo, a smile on his young face. "Come on, Papa, I'm hungry." He reached for, then pulled on the soldier's hand.

It was a good thing that the boy was intent on filling his stomach so he didn't see the tears that Jaime had to wipe away with his free hand. Now he finally felt like a father, something just a year ago he thought he would never get to be. Mendoza quicken his pace to keep up with his son.

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_FIN_


End file.
